Intimacy outside of sex– to what end?

Posted on November 17, 2017


I’m in a sweet state of allure after getting the most beautiful night’s rest in the arms of an incredible woman.

I must have spent about 10% of the night fully asleep and the rest of it in this mellow space between sleep and wakefulness. I was enjoying it too much to fully fall asleep.

To be fair, I don’t enjoy sleeping alone. To get a satisfactory night’s sleep when I’m alone I need to be either really tired or under the influence of red wine.

So last night, after hanging out with a new friend until it was too late to feel safe enough to go home alone, I was asked if I would like to sleep over. I said I would love to if she could stroke my hair and we could cuddle.

And we cuddled beautifully. Fortunately, she also enjoys sleeping with other people– not only sexually but being able to be close to people, hold them, touch them and share space with them that is non-sexual.

Apart from close friends and family, I usually feel uncomfortable being in a tight space, especially sharing a bed, with people I am not in a sexually intimate relationship. I’m not sure why. Maybe the idea of simply sharing a bed has become so sexualized by society and popular culture.

But I have to say that it was amazing to be able to rest my head between some really nice boobs, feel another human being’s heartbeat. Stroke them and be stroked, receive several adorable kisses on the forehead from them, without feeling that there was, or that there had to be more.

I had a very interesting experience of knowing that we could have had sex if we both wanted to but chose to completely overlook that in exchange for a blissful state of just being.

It felt wonderful to feel safe because we communicated what felt nice and the boundaries of that particular experience.

Intimacy outside of sex, to what end? To just being a human, in a blissful state with another human, feeling safe and cherished.