You’re good enough when you say you’re good enough – #ColorsRNotShame

Posted on October 17, 2017

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You’re good enough only when you believe you’re good enough. Let that thought sink in.

Relying on outsiders for validation is a dangerous thing. Yet, that is exactly how society functions.

Humans are raised to compete against one another- for the best grades in school, from a very young age to promotions at work. And even more trivial things such as fancier clothes and shoes. We get rewarded when we trump others.

Competition is good but it also breeds contempt. Worse so, when it’s for yourself because you can’t meet up to the expected standards.

When it comes to being queer, relying on validation from external sources is extremely dangerous. Here’s the thing– to some people, you will never be good enough. Everything you may have achieved in your life is immaterial as long as you have not found a way to silence your queerness.

This is the tune I heard from my father a few weeks ago.

He said, “Why do you have to be a martyr for these people?” “You were doing so well!” “You are taking away my pride and joy”, “You are being selfish by going down this path”.

“How am I supposed to stand in public when this is what my daughter is doing?”

I got the same from aunties who said, “She is such a lovely girl, if only she wasn’t that way”. And from people I came out to for the first time, “But you’re too pretty for that”.

It is as if queer people are sub-human; the dredges of society. With fewer brain cells, less compassion, less beauty, less ability, and with no talent or potential whatsoever.

I did not come out to my dad for the longest time because I felt I had to compensate him for the loss of the type of child he wanted. I said to myself, get that first degree, get that Masters, get that job, get a number of other things. Why bother him if I haven’t found that woman I want to spend my life with? At least I could show him that she’s wonderful and that I would some stability in your life.

I regret spending so long feeling that I needed other things to cover up my of “ineptitude”.

There is nothing wrong with me.

No one can tell me that I am not good enough.

I choose to feel whole.

I choose to take on new challenges because that is what I want for my life.

Life is too short to live in a way that makes me feel as if I cannot be who I am.

In the conversation with my dad, he brought up people who live on the down-low. He suggested I did that to preserve the family name. I applaud those people who have chosen to go down that road. It takes a lot to lock away your own soul in order to please other people. Fortunately, that’s not going to me.

 

P.s. There is a twitter solidarity call for the young Egyptians who were arrested for flying the rainbow flag at a music concert. It is taking place on October 18 under the hashtag #ColorsRNotShame
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