On Spiritual Growth and Sexuality

Posted on March 14, 2013

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Trees by OKpara Sq., EnuguComing up I’ve had to struggle with aligning spiritual growth with my sexuality. I believe in journeys, spreading one’s wings and generally moving forward. My family is Christian and my mum in particular always drove us to look for places to nurture ourselves. For her that was the church.

Although, I can draw some good lessons from the Bible, not all of the church’s teachings sit well with me. At one point, I was a firm Christian believer and then I wasn’t, and then I believed a little, and then I lost it all, and then I tried a few other faiths and science. Get the trend?

I was always looking for something. More. At each place, it was important for me to see how that belief system felt about non-heterosexual people. I tried to use my ‘rational’ mind to measure their ‘irrational’ beliefs. Of course, this was difficult given that religion, faith, spirituality, and even rationality are subjective.

Now, I’m at a point where I believe that everything is interconnected but there doesn’t need to be a reason for this interconnectedness. You can believe in reason if it helps you sleep better at night but that belief(or lack of) in itself is not as important as being alive and how you choose to live it.

I look less on the outside to affirm that I am worthy of being here. I feel less and less the need to belong to a faith group. I feel blessed by the universe and grateful to be here. I feel better about uncertainty.

I still pray; because through that I maintain humility, respect for life and affirm my goals and aspirations. I don’t need to crack the secret code of  where we came from, why we are here and where(if there is such a place) we are going. These questions still bother me but I don’t let them stop me from enjoying life.

I have decided to focus on enjoying being here and embracing all the experiences that come with it. I feel OK about love and vulnerability. About being honest with who I am. About doing things for myself. About saying no when I feel stretched. About taking care of my mental and physical health.

I am still coming to grips with when to let go and when to keep fighting. I am working on learning to trust and on judging people less. I am also working on releasing the fear of being judged by others.

I feel better prepared to take on big decisions even though I like to think there are no make or break ones and that whatever we choose we will handle one way or another.

I feel excited about life and what’s to come. Finally, on a base level I believe that it is OK to love who you love and we should all be able to enjoy that feeling regardless of religious faith or dogma.

A shout-out to Deepak Chopra. I’ve been reading his books over the last two years and I recently started a 21 day meditation challenge. The theme is perfect health. 

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